i also am happy about getting to see my brothers & sister last week and having a fun easter with travis’ family.
There are two times in my life when I can remember feeling complete joy. Not just like happy, but pure happy. No worries or anxiety, or wondering what other people think. Just joy.
Now, you can’t count anytime before middle school. Anything before middle school is pretty much all joy with some bad parts here and there (at least for me, I had a wonderful childhood)… but middle school is when it all goes to hell. Middle school is when you start worrying about how you look, and your friends find different friends, and you have to be cool. So, there are two times since middle school that I can remember feeling pure joy.
(I have to preface the rest by saying that my family is my first true love. Reference the childhood statement above. When I am with my family, it is pretty much pure joy with maybe just a little anxiety thrown in.)
So, the first time I really remember feeling pure joy – no worries, just happy – was sophomore year in high school driving back from Cross Country practice at the Blue Valley Classic Cross Country Course with Richard Fong, Bishoy Gayed, and I think Cathy Cox was there. We were pumping some sweet “Mr. Boombastic” by Shaggy, the sun was shining, the windows were down, and I felt completely happy and comepletely safe…. although that concept seems totally ridiculous now – we were speeding on the highway, with a 16-year-old at the wheel, and the music was way too loud. I think the exercise had something to do with it, but being with good friends that I didn’t feel sellf-concious around was really nice.
Ok, the second time I remember feeling pure joy was my freshman year in college at Drake. Being at Drake was pretty much a miserable experience, but being at college meant that Travis could come visit me for entire weekends. So, it was the first weekend that Travis came from Graceland and stayed the whole weekend. When he pulled up there it was like all of my sadness went away because we were together. It was like we had started our life together. Now, I know it may come as a shock that 18-year-old Travis and I spent a weekend together with no chaperones present, but we are all just going to have to live with it. I knew I loved Travis when I was 16. Before I knew I liked art, before I knew what college I was going to, before I knew what political party I belonged in. Even before I knew what a Starbucks White-Chocolate Mocha was, I knew I loved Travis. We have lived previous lives together, I am convinced. We loved each other from the first moment. So that is our love story. It is the greatest story of my life. (Now he is probably going to stop loving me for putting this all out here.)
Here is a quote from Travis’ new Bright Eyes cd that explains everything:
“remember the time you drove all night, just to meet me in the morning, and i thought it was strange, you said everything changed, you felt as if you just woke up, and you said: this is the first day of my life, i’m glad i didn’t die before i met you, but now i don’t care, i could go anywhere with you, and probably be happy”
Separate note: Sorry the banner is a little lack-luster this month. I am gonna try to work on it some more.